10 Wonderful Years! And We're Just Getting Started :)

 This is a story of Fear and Faith

Before I greet my wife for our wedding anniversary, konting kuwento muna tayo para naman bakasakali may malibang tayo :)

For most of us, fear of uncertainty knocks on the door of our consciousness every day. No matter what age you are in, what your status in life is, there’s always something in us that hopes things will be better tomorrow. Some people manage these fears much better compared to those who experience deep anxiety. Let us go back 20 years ago when I was in my Junior year in college. I have just experienced one of the most painful heartaches of my life. Yes, heartaches with an s because I have experienced it twice On top of that, during this time, we’ve heard news that one of my favorite uncles, probably the one I am closest to, had cancer. Yes, had, because he beat the C word and he is still with us today! This is the point where I introduce you to two of my best college buddies who played a significant role in changing my faith, Carlos and Chase. Hindi lang sila yung tipong kasama mo in good times, they were there to guide me when I was at one of my lowest points. I specifically remember Carlos telling me, “normal lang na medyo nagtatampo ka sa Diyos, if you haven’t experienced doubting your faith, you can’t really own it.” That phrase hit me hard. Oo nga naman, an unquestioned faith is not a truly deep belief. Paano mo mananamnam ang sarap kung hindi ka daraan sa hirap diba? Forgive me Carlo and Chase for forgetting some of the details like kung anong name ng group na isinali ninyo ako, kung sino yung group leader na nag-oorganize ng prayer meeting dun sa Club Filipino on a weeknight na tanda ko, kahit gabi, we greeted each other good morning! Naalala ko first time ko makasaksi ng someone speaking in tongues! Hindi ko matandaan ang mga pangalan but I remember attending this retreat that changed my life. I remember collapsing in one of the sessions and crying uncontrollably because after I closed my eyes, there was darkness and I can literally visualize my worries na lumalayo sa akin at pumupunta sa isang malayong maliwanag na ilaw. I was not a 100% sure what that meant during that time but I remember how it felt. Para bang niyayakap ako ni Kristo at kinukuha na yung fears ko from me at sinasabing, “Ako na ang bahala.” As I wrote that paragraph, tumayo balahibo ko! That was a very powerful moment. I remember that moment very well kasi dun ko natutunan na, if you have faith in God, there’s no need to worry. Lahat ng plano Niya for you is geared towards your salvation and happiness Kung sinabi mo sakin 20 years ago at my lowest na, in 10 years, you will marry this beautiful, kind, and selfless lady, hindi na ako magkakaroon ng fears!

.......

Let’s jump from 20 years ago, to 10 years ago A week before my wedding, I was jobless. Not many people know that. I was working in a toxic environment and I had to quit because my former boss would be high and fire people during a meeting because he was coked out of his brain, true story. Anyway, what I learned from 10 years before that moment made my fears lesser. Less, but still knocking on the door of my consciousness every single day. 

Paano ko bubuhayin ang mapapangasawa ko diba?! Nakakahiya sa kanya at sa pamilya niya kung hindi ko maibigay ang buhay na pinapangarap ko para sa amin. Nakakatakot pero, paano ka naman malulungkot kung ganito kaganda, kabait, katalino, ng papakasalan mo?

O diba?! Gaganahan ka talaga gumising at kumayod araw-araw e, haha! Blanca and I had a restaurant that time pero wala pa kaming bahay, nangungupahan lang kami, and in a few months, mawawala na rin si Blanca sa trabaho niya sa Manila... 

Those were real fears for me kasi this beautiful person entrusted her life to me. I need to work hard so we can be in a better situation than we were in. One month after the wedding, wala pa din ako makitang extra work... 

Two months after, wala pa rin! 

As the fears knocked louder and louder, dumaan ang holy week… As I prayed and reflected, isinuko ko na lang uli ang lahat sa Ama.

I remembered the time from a decade back where I let go of my fears. No crying this time. Just armed with a stronger faith. 

In less than 2 weeks after that Easter Sunday, during that span, I was contacted by my former colleague and good friend Alex, got interviewed, and started working the next Monday for a better company where I lasted more than 5 years. 

Galing diba?! Kung kelan parang mauubos na, dun na sasabihin ng Diyos, o heto na, this is the right time for you to flourish. Ganun lagi e, mga hinahangad natin sa buhay, darating in His perfect time. Tiwala lang. Since then, I must admit, life was not always smooth-sailing. Blessings came wave after wave, pero same with challenges. The only constant thing that kept us happy and sane was our faith. As my wife and I celebrate our 10th year wedding anniversary, I reflect on what we have and what we’ve been through. 

Kung sinabi mo sakin 10 years ago na I will have a happy home filled with love and happy noises from my 3 wonderful kids, I would have dropped those fears instantly! If you are still reading at this point, thank you for your time. 

If you are experiencing fears like we still do, remember to try and let go of them. Our God is a merciful God. Better days are coming mausisa mo na lang you will look back at this moment and say, “bakit pa ba ako nagsayang pa ng oras sa pagalala nung panahong yun?!”. To my beautiful wife, Blanca, thank you for the love, thank you for being a great partner in our journey together. You are the perfect wife, a perfect mother. Kung alam ko lang 20 years ago that my heartache will be rewarded by what we have right now, I would have dropped my fears right away.

The challenges we have yet ti face, basta magkasama tayo, Diyos ang bahala sa atin and everything will be okay :)

I love you with all my heart, happy 10th wedding anniversary to us! May God continue to bless our union and may we have more happy and healthy years kasama ang mga mahal natin sa buhay!

Love,

Brian